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La lettre posthume d’Adieu de Winnie à Mandela

winnie


L'adieu de Winnie à son "homme" " Seule, je te revois dans ce township d’Alexandra où, au détour d’une ruelle, j’aperçus ta longue silhouette au milieu d’une bande de jeunes.

Seule, je pense à ce jour où tu m’as proposé de devenir ta femme. Seule, je pense à ces petits rares moments d’évasion dont nous pouvions profiter. Seule, je pense à ce jour où tu as rencontré mon père pour demander ma main. Seule, je pense à cette phrase de mon père « Nelson est un garçon charmant, tu peux l’épouser mais le choisir c’est épouser un combat et non un homme ». J’ai compris aujourd’hui que j’ai épousé le combat, ton combat, le combat de ta bande avec les BUTHELEZI, SISULU Walter, Oliver Tambo et autres. J’ai appris à lutter à vos côtés. J’ai intégré le système très tôt. J’ai, inconsciemment peut-être, décidé de jouer ma partition. J’ai, peut-être pour prouver à tes compagnons que tu avais choisi la femme qu’il fallait, opté pour l’incarnation de l’aile dure. Puis arriva ce jour sombre de ton arrestation. Jour sombre, ai-je dit ! Il l’était pour moi or c’était le jour de gloire puisque tu me disais lors de mes visites bien surveillées à Roben Island que « ta victoire a commencé le jour de ton arrestation ». Plus tard, après plus de quinze années de bagne, tu n’as pas hésité à me dire « Winnie, tu te bats bien pour ma libération mais tu m’abats avec ton comportement. Je suis au courant pour le jeune avocat et je te comprends : la solitude peut être le lit de la débauche pour une femme qui n’a jamais pu savourer son mariage. Je ne t’en voudrai jamais. Je te porte dans ma chair Winnie ». Oui, Nelson, tu avais vu juste. Tu me comprenais seulement la compréhension ne doit pas être une légitimation et c’est ce que je n’ai pas pu comprendre assez tôt d’où mon escapade nocturne le jour de ta sortie de prison devant les caméras du monde entier. A ta libération, j’étais fière de toi, fière de ton endurance, fière de ta victoire et indigne voire indignée d’autant que je ne méritai plus d’être à tes côtés ou de te prendre la main. J’étais une étrangère à tes côtés. Je te sentais plus comme un père. Ta décision de partir, de t’éloigner de moi, de divorcer ne m’a point surpris. Je voulais ce divorce. Je n’osais pas prendre l’initiative par peur de te faire souffrir encore. J’ai applaudi lorsque tu as choisi MACHEL. Pleine de grâce, de douceur, dévouée, câline, discrète, profondément amoureuse de toi, fidèle et généreuse avec notre progéniture, j’ai tout de suite compris qu’elle allait t’offrir toute cette affection qui t’a tant manquée. Mon cher époux, Je ne prie pas pour toi, Dieu a donné des signaux rassurants quant à ta place dans l’au-delà. Je veux ici et pour toujours te dire combien je t’aime. Je n’aurai pas la chance de prononcer un discours devant ces 80 milles personnes réunies à Sowéto pour te rendre hommage. Si cette chance m’était offerte, je t’aurai simplement demandé pardon car tu avais choisi Winnie pour gagner à tous les niveaux. Tu avais choisi Winnie pour réussir ta vie. Malheureusement, la femme que je suis a confondu « la victoire du bonheur » et « le bonheur de la victoire ». Tu as eu le second par ton propre combat et je n’ai pas su t’offrir le premier. Mea culpa, Nelson. Je te demanderai simplement dans les cieux de ne pas penser à ce jour où tu m’as dit « nous ne vieillirons pas ensemble ». Pense plutôt Nelson à ce jour où tu m’as dit « je veux mourir tout contre toi ». C’est vrai Nelson, le bonheur se conjugue souvent au passé. Bon voyage. Love you, my husband.

 

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